Have any of us ever not told the truth for fear of hurting someone? Have any of us ever told an outright lie—or “hinted” at a lie—about someone with the intention OF hurting them?

In the second case, it is most likely because we have been hurt—either by someone telling a lie about us, or someone telling the truth about us in a way that is uncaring. So we plot revenge, and either tell something entirely untrue—after all, it happened to us, and turnabout is fair play, right?—or insinuate something and leave it to the reactions people have to do the revenge. Whichever it is, we can feel justified in playing the game by the rules that seem to have been established—honesty and integrity and actual truth seem not to be as important as payback or revenge—as “winning”. Trouble is, it is a game that nobody ultimately ever wins, as there will likely never be an agreement as to when the game is over, when things are “even.” And then there is the unarguable reality that lies are much harder to keep track of than truth.

In the first case, if we’re “truthful” with ourselves, we are probably less worried about the other person feeling bad than we are about we ourselves feeling bad. When we are honest, particularly when it is a difficult truth to convey, yes, it can hurt the other person. But it can also hurt us to have to say it—it’s unpleasant, it makes US feel bad. It may make the other person feel bad, too, but mostly it makes US feel bad. So we’d rather sugarcoat it—not telling the whole truth, or perhaps not telling the truth at all. We may claim that it’s because we care about the other person that we don’t tell them the truth—and that may indeed be the case, but it’s also more likely that we don’t like how it makes us feel.

Jesus said in John 8:31b-32: “If you continue in my word, you are truly my disciples; and you will know the truth, and the truth will make you free.” The corollary I have heard to that statement is “The truth will set your free, but first it will kick you in the face.”

Indeed it might. Some truth is hard to hear—which of course also means that it’s hard to say. But ultimately it is freeing. Ultimately when we know what it is that we need to know, the real reality, we can live in it. And when we have to hear it, hard as it is to hear—and when we have to say it, hard as it is to say—it is better conveyed in love. We feel so much more supported when we’re told when it is conveyed by someone who cares about us, wishes the best for us, doesn’t think any less of us, and whose honesty we know we can count on. It is easier to live into that truth, and live towards making changes if needed, if someone walks it with us, and cared enough to be honest about it in the first place.

The way we are able to hear it as lovingly said is if we are the kind of people who love enough to be able to say it to another. To be honest, in love. Jesus not only always told the truth, Jesus WAS and IS “the way, the TRUTH, and the life. And yet the truth that Jesus told was conveyed with an unmitigated caring and encouragement and love for the ones hearing it. He said some hard things. But he did it because he loved those he said them to. He still has some hard things to say to us—but he says them because he loves us. And, in the life of the church, and as citizens of the Kingdom of God—as we pray the Kingdom to come “on earth, as it is in heaven”—we, too are to “speak the truth in love.“

A mark of who we are as a follower of Jesus is that we “Speak the Truth in Love.”

NEW TESTAMENT Ephesians 4:15-16, 22-25, 29, 32

14 We must no longer be children, tossed to and fro and blown about by every wind of doctrine, by people’s trickery, by their craftiness in deceitful scheming. 15 But speaking the truth in love, we must grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ, 16from whom the whole body, joined and knitted together by every ligament with which it is equipped, as each part is working properly, promotes the body’s growth in building itself up in love. . . .

22 You were taught to put away your former way of life, your old self, corrupt and deluded by its lusts, 23 and to be renewed in the spirit of your minds, 24and to clothe yourselves with the new self, created according to the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness.

25 So then, putting away falsehood, let all of us speak the truth to our neighbors, for we are members of one another. . . . 29 Let no evil talk come out of your mouths, but only what is useful for building up, as there is need, so that your words may give grace to those who hear. . . . 32 and be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ has forgiven you.

GOSPEL John 8:31-32

31 Then Jesus said to the Jews who had believed in him, ‘If you continue in my word, you are truly my disciples; 32 and you will know the truth, and the truth will make you free.’